Impolite Conversation

The title of this essay, was suggested by Aldous Huxley's "Polite Conversation" in On the Margin, Chatto & Windus, 1948 (orig. 1923). His essay was really a review piece, but it got me thinking about the nature of conversation. Jonathan Swift did a wonderful satirical work based on all the cliches used in his period., A Complete Collection of Genteel and Ingenious Conversation (1738) - a fun book indeed. If I think of the current dialogues, well they rarely aim towards the polite, most are "in your face" snipes or snarls. We converse like curs. "Fuck you!" "Yeah, fuck you." "What's up?" "Nothing." "You." "Nah." Where is the sense of decorum? We think it can take a hike, because the civilizing process of Norbert Elias was after all but a colonial endeavour, to enslave and divide. The handshake is derived from primates greeting each other by sniffing their butts and fondling their genitalia. What is there to be polite for? Far better to tell the other party how you feel in a direct and equalitarian manner. So if the serotonin levels are ascendent, then one lets loose an oral fart. If you stitch, if you can indeed stitch gas together, these snarls and snipes, what do they constitute? Well often, if they do run for more than a stack of monosyllables, the Anthony Burgessian grunts, then they form extended Q &A. "Did you see the match?" "Didya see the youtube?" "Didya" Invariably, the response will be "Yeah" or "Nah". "It was wicked". Perhaps, to bring Aldous Huxley back again, the youtube of Lady Gaga gagaing was to his coenobites, an example of the fornicatio . Not that they didn't hump each other, to double negativize, or have lewd thoughts about others whilst in their state of acedia. It is also to be noted that this terseness has something to do with the noise factor. You know the Étienne Lombard effect: it is when in a pub one person talking to another has to compensate for the environmental noise level, and talk louder. The fellow interlocuter follows suit, until both parties are screeching. Although we have the possibility to filter and focus on one conversation (the cocktail party effect), we often end up shouting monosyllables. Under the influence, these monosyllables become slurred. "Deeeeeeedyaaash?"Can be translated as "Did you?" With all these factors, plus a score of neurohormones kicking in or passing out, there is scope for aggression as a consequence of a simple misunderstanding. Since, conversation comprises of 90 percent nonverbal language - a prolonged gaze at someone's partner, can land the viewer with a punch in the face - or worse. "Whaddyafinkyafakkindoingmate?" Indeed. At this point you might say in your defence, that fornicatio was not on your mind and that you are celibate as a paperweight. "Youtryyinbefannyyafakkinkunt?" It does not work. You are left to do a Bruce Lee. Run. You can get into these little contretemps by trying to break the ice at a bus stop. Your opening gambit, the one preferred by the Brits, might be. "Nice day today isn't it?" "You gay or something?" Or "We have had a load a rain these past weeks." "What does that have to with me mate?" Or "The precipitation levels are a mark above normal?" "You foreign, ain't you?" A conversation about the World Cup or football is very dangerous, and to be avoided at all costs, unless you recognise the scarf or T-shirt and you can converse on the topic for more than two minutes.